HARD KNOCKS .... Lessons Of Life

I, A CHILD IN A TOY STORE

2009-02-15T10:21:00.009+08:00

I was at that IT enclave in Kuala Lumpur, Low Yat Plaza, yesterday and felt like a child in a toy store. I was bedazzled by the gamut of gadgets, computers, cameras and all those IT thingies, I felt like buying everything because at that moment, I thought I needed all those cool stuff. Luckily, my Minister of Home Affairs was with me to nag and enforce a no-nonsense spending rules.

Like I’d go crazy and burst my budget, eventhough I was very, very tempted to do so. Who wouldn’t if you were a “Go Go Gadget Man” like me. I believe all men are to a certain extent, go “ga-ga” over gadgets, and some would end up buying something that would gather dust somewhere. A walkabout at Low Yat was heartbreaking. The laptop I bought a few weeks ago is no longer the state-of-the-art machine. My digital SLR, topping the semi-pro list not too long ago, is now a camera fit for entry-level photography enthusiast. This makes one wants to upgrade! Now I know why everytime I phoned up an elder brother of mine, he would either be at Low Yat or an IT centre somewhere in the city.

It was jam packed at Low Yat yesterday. Thousands of people were looking, checking out or buying something. Yours truly bought a battery pack for an old point-and-shoot camera, now inherited by the Queen of the House. I also bought yellow and cyan inks for the printer. But, I fantasized that I had bought that camera with a set of cool lenses, and that so-very-fast-and-very-sleek laptop. I imagined lugging that 54” LCD tv screen out of Low Yat…..

From the size of the crowd and their enthusiasm in everything ITs, I believed Malaysians are already there. We had arrived at IT Central, we are “geeks” in our own rights. Young and old were there at Low Yat, all sharing a common interest, wanting to be “IT geeks”, to gawk at cool stuff, to buy neat machines or just to dream…. The old were equally excited as the young ‘uns over those products. I guess the old ones were “upgrading” their IT know-how in order to catch up with the younger geeks who were already beaming themselves up into new IT spheres.

An old man caught my eyes. He was checking out a desktop computer and instantly reminded me of my father-in-law. Already 71-year-old but my father-in-law is IT savvy. He has gone digital…he blogs, e-mails and digitally tweaks his photos. How I wish my mother is into computer so that we could “Skype” her. Imagine we could video call her and even, have a tele-conference session with other members of the family.

One could sense that almost all who visit Low Yat wish to better oneself and those IT gadgets available there would help make one’s journey on the road to progress a sheer delight.

Sadly, a stone-throw away from Low Yat, a group of teenagers – male and female – was letting opportunities slipping away. With their Mohawk and punk hair-do and “I-still-don’t-get-it” fashion style, those teenagers sat on the pavement near the pedastrian crossing to the Time Square, making a nuisance of themselves. They were loud and disgusting. Sadly still, they were “my people”.

Are they a wasted generation?

PHOTOGRAPHY... FREEZING MOMENTS

2009-02-07T16:16:00.014+08:00

American photographer Berenice Abbott: "Photography can only represent the present. Once photographed, the subject becomes part of the past.”

To me, photography helps me remember little things from my past, long after I've forgotten everything.

Allow me to share with you some of the images from my past, moments that could never be revisited. These images were captured during my trips abroad; Luxembourgh, India, Sudan, Australia. Some were made during the family's outings in Malaysia.

All the images were captured using inexpensive cameras; either point-and-shoot ones or single-lens-reflex equipment. My point here is that decent images could be captured with cheap cameras but the more expensive ones, hi-tech equipment with great glasses or lenses offer room for manipulation. More importantly, good cameras combined with great glasses enable you to be creative.

Such an equipment would enable you to make good exposures. Just what constitutes a good exposure? To my understanding, it's when you record as wide a tonal range of light to dark brightness values as possible with your camera, given the lighting conditions at hand. This exposure should have it all - true colour, detail in the highlight and shadow areas and, most importantly a range of values that can be manipulated further for even greater image enhancement.

A photographic image is a continuous range of brightness values; a continuous tone is a large part of what makes for the illusion that a photograph is "real." Rich tonal values and a range of colours allow us to more easily buy into its magical illusion.

Until and unless I own a good set of photographic equipment, the above will remain a theory for now. At the moment, I'll continue to make decent photographs, as decent as they could be, with my cheap glasses and inexpensive point-and-shoot cameras. I will flip through photographic magazines and gawk at those high-end lenses and camera bodies, the likes of Canon, Leica, Nikon.

SALAM 2009 - SEMANGAT WIRA

2009-01-03T14:14:00.004+08:00

Masih tidak terlewat untuk saya mengucapkan Selamat Menyambut Tahun Baru 2009 kepada anda semua.

Marilah kita bersama-sama membulatkan kata dan menanam tekad untuk memajukan diri masing-masing sepanjang tahun yang baru ini. Bersama-sama kita memupuk perpaduan dan menjadikan negara kita yang tercinta ini sebuah negara yang aman dan makmur. Kita jangan sekali-kali jemu untuk menjadikan impian satu kenyataan.

Mari kita bersama-sama dengan rakan-rakan wira ini bagi mencapai hasrat yang murni tersebut.....

HAPPY NEW YEAR...IS IT?

2009-01-03T01:06:00.007+08:00

We ushered in 2009 with much festivities and celebrations. Concerts and parties rocked towns and cities around the globe.

At midnight, fireworks lit the sky of world cities, from Tokyo to London, Moscow to Istanbul, New York to Los Angeles…. Fireworks were let off, some lasting for more than 15 minutes. Even the one at Dataran Merdeka in KL lasted 10 minutes. These pyrotechniques are not cheap, some could run into millions of dollars, depending on the complexity and duration.

If the world is facing an economic crisis, where hundreds of thousands are laid off as factories halt operations and governments complain about shrinking reserves, then it wasn’t evident at all that night. I wonder how many of us remembered the thousands of Palestinians who were being attacked by Israel’s military might at that moment. Or, how many thought about the millions in poverty-stricken places.

According to the United Nations, about 25,000 people die every day of hunger or hunger-related causes. This is one person every three and a half seconds, and sadly, it is the children who die most often. So, by the time a 15-minute firework display is over, some 257 people would have died of hunger somewhere around the world.

Imagine, that 15 minutes of excitement for some people could mean a lifetime of joy for the needy should the money be channeled to those more deserving.

How I wish the money spent on the fireworks had been used to help alleviate the sufferings of the poor and impoverished people among us. If we don’t see them, it doesn’t mean they don’t exist….

HOT AIR STILL BLOWING OVER BUKIT ANTARABANGSA?

2008-12-15T16:40:00.007+08:00

Pakar-pakar geologi dan alam sekitar berkerumun di kawasan tanah runtuh di Bukit Antarabangsa untuk memulakan siasatan minggu ini bagi mengenalpasti punca tragedi pada 6 Disember lepas yang meranapkan 14 buah kediaman, mengorbankan nyawa empat penghuninya dan memaksa ribuan penduduk di kejiranan sekitarnya berpindah ke kawasan selamat.

Hasil siasatan itu dan langkah-langkah keselamatan yang bakal dicadangkan hanya akan diketahui tiga bulan lagi. Sehingga itu, lima kawasan di sekitar lokasi tanah runtuh itu ditakrifkan sebagai Zon Merah yang amat berbahaya.

Sekali lagi kajian akan tertumpu kepada kawasan yang sebelum ini telahpun dikenalpasti sebagai sebahagian daripada jalur gelinciran bumi semulajadi di Semenanjung Malaysia yang disebabkan oleh pergerakan tektonik jutaan tahun dahulu.

Ini dirumuskan dalam laporan siasatan tragedi runtuhan Kondominium Highland Towers yang terletak di lereng sebelah selatan Bukit Antarabangsa, tidak sampai dua kilometer dari lokasi tanah runtuh hujung minggu lepas. Tragedi Highland Towers 15 tahun dahulu meragut 48 nyawa. Saya berkesempatan menyaksikan kemusnahan kawasan itu dan merasai betapa hancurnya kehidupan para penghuni di situ, terutamanya mereka yang meratapi kematian ahli keluarga. Selepas 15 tahun, air mata mereka masih mengalir….

Siasatan geologi yang dijalankan selepas peristiwa ngeri pada Disember 1993 menjumpai zon tanah runtuh berisiko tinggi di Hulu Klang. Malahan, adalah dilaporkan bahawa ujian yang dijalankan mendapati struktur tanah di sekitar Bukit Antarabangsa tidak stabil kerana sifatnya yang berada di atas jaluran gelinciran yang menganjur dari Kuala Lumpur ke Johor.

Sebanyak 13 kejadian tanah runtuh dilaporkan berlaku di sekitar situ, termasuk lima di Bukit Antarabangsa, sejak tragedi Highland Towers. Jelas sekali kawasan itu amat tidak stabil dan sentiasa terdedah kepada tanah runtuh selepas hujan lebat.

Sejak lapan tahun lepas, kerajaan dilaporkan membelanjakan lebih RM10 juta untuk menjalankan kajian tanah di kawasan Ampang-Hulu Klang. Persoalannya, apakah tindakan yang diambil daripada kajian itu? Apakah langkah-langkah kawalan dan penguatkuasaan yang telah dilaksanakan sehingga kini?

Yang anehnya, dalam tempoh yang sama, pihak berkuasa tempatan yang dipertanggungjawabkan menyelenggara kawasan tersebut dikatakan telah meluluskan 21 projek perumahan di kawasan cerun di situ, termasuk sebuah projek di puncak Bukit Antarabangsa yang baru dilancarkan, yang mewar-warkan “kehidupan anggun di tanah tinggi”.

Sudah pasti alasan yang diberikan ialah projek-projek itu diluluskan setelah pihak berkuasa berpuashati dengan laporan Penilaian Impak Alam Sekitar (Enviromental Impact Assessment).

Duh! Pada saya, apa sahaja hasil penilaian EIA itu, tiada projek cerun bukit harus diluluskan di kawasan yang sudah dikenalpasti zon berisiko tinggi terhadap kejadian tanah runtuh yang terletak di zon jaluran gelinciran bumi yang masih tidak stabil sehingga kini walaupun pergerakan tektonik berlaku jutaan tahun dahulu. Noktah!

Apa lagi hujah yang diperlukan untuk menyakinkan pihak-pihak berkenaan bahawasanya kawasan cerun bukit Ampang-Hulu Klang itu tidak selamat untuk pembinaan apa jua bangunan yang sudah pasti meningkatkan tahap risiko berlakunya bencana. Kenapa kita masih ghairah memperjudikan nyawa bila kita sudah mengetahui kesudahannya, bahawa peluang untuk menang adalah tipis!

Berbalik kepada kajian EIA. Harus diingat bahawa kejiranan Bukit Antarabangsa, Zoo View, Ukay Heights dan beberapa buah kawasan perumahan tanah tinggi di sekitarnya dibina 20 tahun dahulu. Ketika itu tidak ada keperluan kajian EIA. Mungkin ada mekanisme lain tetapi pada pemikiran saya, tentu tidak seketat EIA, yang ketelitiannya turut dipertikaikan ramai pakar alam sekitar dan kajibumi.

Mungkin ketika projek-projek lama itu dibina kawasan berbukit di situ mampu menampung bebannya, namun setelah berdekad lamanya, struktur tanah mulai lemah. Pembangunan baru di sekitarnya mungkin memberikan impak kepada keadaan sekitar, sekaligus menjadikan struktur tanah yang sememangnya lemah, bertambah rapuh.

Kini kajian giat dijalankan untuk mencari punca kejadian minggu lepas. Pada masa yang sama pelbagai janji dan jaminan dilaungkan; satu sistem penilaian dan pemantauan kawasan cerun serta sistem amaran awal akan diperkenalkan agar tragedi serupa tidak berulang. Itulah juga janji dan jaminan yang dilaungkan ketika debu masih berterbangan dari runtuhan kondo Highland Towers 15 tahun dahulu.

Terbaca laporan akhbar hari ini tentang seorang menteri yang mengatakan satu sistem amaran awal seakan sistem amaran tsunami akan dipasang di kawasan penempatan berbukit. Kononnya, JKR dan sebuah syarikat swasta pernah menguji sistem itu suatu ketika dahulu. Kini projek itu akan dikaji semula.

Maka saya tertanya-tanya kenapa projek yang diuji itu tidak diteruskan dan digunapakai dahulu? Adakah kerana situasinya tidak mendesak ketika itu atau mungkinkah faktor kos yang terlalu tinggi?

Apakah yang ditakrifkan situasi yang mendesak? Tidak cukupkah dengan runtuhan demi runtuhan, kematian demi kematian, kemusnahan demi kemusnahan yang disaksikan selama ini untuk melayakkan keadaan itu ditakrifkan sebagai mendesak? Kalaulah kos menjadi penghalang ketika itu, adakah ia lebih murah sekarang? Mungkin saya harus menyoal begini; berapakah harganya nyawa seorang manusia?

Memang benar kita tidak dapat mengubah ketentuan Illahi tetapi kita sebagai manusia dianugerahkan akal fikiran untuk mencari jalan bagi mengelak diri dari terjebak dalam kesusahan. Mungkin yang amat diperlukan ialah kanun atau undang-undang yang ketat dan seragam sesama kerajaan-kerajaan negeri dan kerajaan persekutuan. Mungkin kita perlu mengecilkan bilangan pihak-pihak berkuasa yang ada kuasa untuk meluluskan sesuatu projek dan meletakkan tanggungjawab itu kepada satu dua badan agar prosesnya lebih teratur, telus dan efektif. Yang penting ialah penguatkuasaan peraturan-peraturan itu. Tiada gunanya ada undang-undang paling ketat jika penguatkuasaannya lewes dan sambil lewa.

Apa sahaja peraturan yang akan dikuatkuasakan nanti amat dialu-alukan asalkan mencapai maksud asal ia digubal. Yang amat diharapkan setelah adanya kanun itu nanti, penguatkuasaan adalah tegas dan tanpa kompromi agar pihak yang tidak kompeten dan korup disisihkan langsung demi kepentingan awam dan negara.

Sementara menanti hasil siasatan punca kejadian dan dimaklumkan mengetahui status keselamatan kawasan Bukit Antarabangsa ini, para penduduknya, terutamanya yang mendiami kawasan Zon Merah, terpaksa melalui kehidupan harian masing-masing dengan pelbagai kesukaran dan ketidakselesaan.

Suasana berhampiran Ground Zero, lokasi tanah runtuh di sekitar Taman Bukit Mewah, semakin lenggang setelah pelbagai agensi bantuan dan menyelamat yang ditempatkan sejak 6 Disember lepas mulai pulang berperingkat-peringkat. Kawalan lalu lintas lebih teratur dan keriuhan bunyi jentera, siren dan wisel semakin sepi.

Keadaaan hampir kembali normal dan emosi penghuni yang selama ini gundah gulana dengan pelbagai persoalan semakin tenang dengan pelbagai tindakan proaktif yang diambil pihak berkuasa.

Semalam, kerajaan negeri Selangor memberikan jaminan bahawa satu langkah penyelesaian akan dilaksanakan nanti sekiranya kawasan terjejas disahkan tidak selamat langsung didiami lagi. Walaupun tidak dinyata bentuk penyelesaian itu, namun pada saya, ia cukup untuk melegakan kerungsingan yang melanda ribuan penduduk.

Namun, tidak dapat dinafikan bahawa keadaan tidak mungkin akan kembali seperti dahulu. Bagi kami di Bukit Antarabangsa ini, hati tidak mungkin akan tenteram lagi selepas ini. Kebimbangan akan sentiasa bermain di fikiran, terutama setiap kali hujan turun.

Bagi yang berkemampuan, mereka mungkin akan berpindah dari sini. Bagi yang tidak berkemampuan, sudah pasti amat berat sekali mencari tempat tinggal baru. Lebih berat lagi untuk meninggalkan kediaman idaman masing-masing, rumah yang mengisi pelbagai kenangan pahit manis…di sinilah rumah kami, “a place we call home”.

It would be easy to rebuild a house but it would never be simple to rebuild a life, a home, especially to those who have lost their loved ones. No matter how grand a new house to be built later, that home would seem empty……forever.

OF TRAGEDY AND HOT AIR

2008-12-12T22:16:00.007+08:00

It has been a week since Mother Nature unleashed her fury in Bukit Antarabangsa.

A pre-dawn landslide last Saturday flattened 14 houses in its path, killed four occupants and forced thousands of residents -- old and young, able-bodied and crippled -- to evacuate their homes.

The site of the landslide is a mere 200 metres from our home. Like other families in the vicinity, we were awakened at 4am by a loud rumble, then heard calls for help and minutes later, sirens from rescue vehicles dispatched to the scene. A helicopter or two hovered above with searchlight scanning the ground.

I took the following pictures over the past few days as a reminder of the aftermath of this disaster, when man fail to honour nature.

Alhamdulillah, we were not directly affected by the landslide but I decided to vacate our home all the same. Hours after the incident, the authorities warned of unstable soil on the slopes. Since the situation was uncertain and warnings were issued ever so often that Saturday, we packed our clothes and important documents, and took refuge at my sister’s house in Bukit Jelutong, Shah Alam to calm our nerves and access the situation from afar.

My elder brother who lives at Jalan Wangsa 7, a row of houses parallel to Jalan Wangsa 9 which is a block down where the landslide triggered, also took his family out to our sister’s in Bukit Jelutong.

We returned home on Tuesday evening and from our windows, watched the activities below; policemen and RELA personnel directing traffic, SMART and firemen marching in and out of the landslide site, and ministers and important officials visiting the scene.

The whole family now sleeps in the living room, decently dressed just in case we need to leave the house in a hurry. The whole family also follows me in the car whenever I leave the house to run errands.

It has been a week since that ill-fated day and over the past week we had had the prime minister and his deputy and their ministers, and bunch of officials making numerous statements pertaining to the perils of highland-living and the affirmative actions to be executed so as prevent recurrence of Saturday’s tragedy.

“No more highland development” they said. “Developments on highland areas will be reviewed,” they added.

“Developers must not lobby state governments to approve their highland projects”

“State governments must not approve highland projects”

Blah..blah..blah…….

Don’t these statements, pledges and promises sound so very familiar? How many times have we heard them before? I don’t know about you but I’ve heard those exact words uttered each time there’s a tragedy. I heard those pledges and fierce statements made during the Highland Tower tragedy which claimed 48 lives 15 years ago and heard them repeated again and again and again one landslide after another. Somehow, nothing was ever done about those pledges. Months after one incident, new projects took shape. The slopes were cleared of vegetations and new dwellings were built.

I bet the same will happen here in Bukit Antarabangsa. People would soon forget last weekend’s tragedy and life would return to normal. In a matter of months, new developments would take shape on a highland, if not in Bukit Antarabangsa, somewhere else in the country.

And I am sure, last weekend’s tragedy would not be last in this country. When another landslide occurs later, mark my word, we would be hearing those politicians and officials repeating the very same statements to control highland development. Don’t worry, you won’t miss much. You have heard them before!

I wonder how many more highland developments would be built and how many more lives would be lost before a certain affirmative action is taken.

AWESOME...SIMPLY AWESOME!

2008-12-02T13:54:00.020+08:00

I was driving into our apartment’s parking area when my eldest daughter spotted an incredible stellar phenomenon last night, December 1.

“Look, the moon is smiling. Two eyes and a smile,” said Dinie. We gazed out the car’s windows and there it was ..the smile and the bright, sparking eyes in the western night sky.

Instantly a thought crossed my mind that Allah had sent a cheerful SMS, a Smiley to us mankind, like a year-end holiday greeting or something.

It sure cheered me up. It couldn’t have happened at a better time than last night when my entire family is grieving the loss of a family member over the weekend. My niece’s hubby, Abdul Rahim, succumbed to renal failure on Saturday. All of us had returned to Alor Setar upon being informed of the death to be with Aziah and her four children. The burial was held on Sunday morning.

It is my wish that the “Smiley” would help my niece Aziah and her children to bounce back from this setback in their lives and move on with renewed strength.

Millions across the globe witnessed the stellar show. A check on the Internet revealed the phenomenon was caused by Venus, Jupiter and a three-day-old crescent moon aligning at the right spot to form the Smiley. It is calculated that the another Smiley would appear again in another five years time.

Apart from the Smiley, I had another awesome sighting but more of an earthly kind.

It was decades ago when my elder brother brought home a dead Rajah Brooke Birdwings butterfly in a glass frame. It was a beautiful insect, which had fascinated me eversince.

Only once I saw a life Rajah Brooke butterfly spreading its magnificent wings on a rock at a waterfall in Yan, Kedah. I think I was only 10 years old then and I never saw another life one again despite having gone into the jungles countless times, here in the peninsula and in Borneo.

However, the insect appeared before me when I wasn’t looking out for it. After four hours of driving from Alor Setar to KL, I stopped at the Gua Tempurung rest area to let the kids run free for a moment. Gua Tempurung is our favourite stop on our way back to KL because of the scenic view, cool air and a refreshing stream nearby.

As always, I went to the stream to wash my face. Suddenly, I noticed a beautiful butterfly spreading its wings on a rock a distance away from where I stood. I immediately grabbed my camera, set it up and tip-toed closer. Yes! There it was, the Rajah Brooke Birdwings. I just could not believe my eyes. A magnificent sample right there in the clearings…

The insect is from the animalia kingdom. Its binomial name is Trogonoptera brookiana. Synonymously referred to as Troides brookiana.

The Rajah Brooke butterfly is a distinctive black and electric-green birdwing butterfly from rainforests in Borneo and Malaysia; this rarely sighted butterfly is the national butterfly of Malaysia and is protected.

The wings of the male butterflies are black and each forewing has seven teeth-shaped electric-green markings or more like fern leaves (the smaller hindwings are also black and green markings).

The wings of the female butterflies are browner with prominent white flashes at the tips of the forewings and at the base of hindwings. The head is bright red and the body is black with red markings.

This butterfly was named by the naturalist Alfred R. Wallace in 1855, after James Brooke, the Rajah of Sarawak.

NO LONGER A BABY, NOT YET A MAN

2008-11-22T09:04:00.013+08:00

“Papa, I’m no longer a baby. I am now a man. No, not yet a man but a young man,” declared Alif to me as we waited for To’Wan and big brother Patpat to return to the car with take-aways from a certain fried chicken outlet in Alor Setar.

Alhamdulillah, my baby boy had been safely circumcised at a clinic in our hometown Thursday afternoon, accompanied by To’Wan, Patpat and I. Alif went through it bravely. Except for a bit of tears and complaints when the doctor injected anaesthetic on his “doodle”, he went through the process without much fuss. “Control macho adik, control macho,” said Patpat, one hand gently touching his brother’s hand and the other, his cheeks. He also helped Alif to recite the Al-Fatihah over and over again throughout the circumcision process.

It was over in under half-an-hour, and by 6pm Alif marched out of the doctor’s room with his head held high and beaming with joy to sit next to To’Wan in the waiting lounge.

Alif was cool and composed. He wasn’t scared. If he was, he hid it well. Matter of fact, he was excited about the circumcision and was eager to get it over with when school holidays began.

On the way home to Alor Setar on Wednesday, Alif reminded us to buy him “kain pelikat”. We wanted to buy a few in KL but time wasn’t on our side. Upon reaching Alor Setar, I drove straight to Pekan Rabu where we got Alif four “kain pelikat”, his first “adult” attire, one of which he wore for circumcision.

Unlike previous homecomings where we would bunk at my mother’s house, this time we “came home” to Tok’Wan and Tok Mama’s house, my parents-in-law and the children seem to like such an arrangement a lot.

Alif seemed the happiest…not only that “scary moment” is behind him now, he also went through it in style. Tok’Wan drove him to the clinic in the BMW 120i Convertible but it was raining, so the top stayed up. I had teased him that we would be taking my MPV, to which he protested, demanding for the beemer or no circumcision. Period! It seemed it was a non-negotiable deal.

I can see that Alif is at ease and enjoying all the attention deserving of a “freshly-cut-bird” boy. He is counting the days for the clamp to be removed. Alif now has another dream to fulfill…he wants to learn to swim before fulfilling yet a bigger dream…to scuba dive. He and big brother Patpat are already surfing the Net and checking out one diving school in KL that offers scuba lessons for kids. Hmmmm, maybe Papa should feel excited about it as well!

His baby days almost over...waiting to leave for the clinic.

Last one with brother and sisters before he turns into a man...

This will be my ride or else, no circumcision...

Seriously, what am I doing here?

What are we waiting for? Let's get this over with.

No big deal lah To'Wan...

This doctor did it ...

The young man comes home....

Time to rest and heal....

ALIF'S RITES OF PASSAGE...

2008-10-29T14:44:00.021+08:00

My youngest son, Alif, is a very worried almost-eight-year-old. The final term school break is a fortnight away and he realizes that his days as a little boy are numbered.

I could read the anxiety written all over his face. I could sense that he is not really looking forward to the year-end school holidays because that is when he would go through the Muslim rites of passage, a child becoming a young man, with religious and social responsibilities and obligations.

InsyaAllah, Alif is to be circumcised this coming school holidays. Berkhatan, bersunat or “potong ko**” as his uncles and elder brother Patpat would crudely put it. Some pillars of strength these men folks are to Alif. A fine band of macho men Alif could turn to for inspiration, encouragement and motivation……..

The stories they told Alif about circumcision and the manner the ritual is performed could scare the living daylights out of the bravest of men, even. Of course, they were merely teasing him, just like how their elders had teased them. I believe Alif knew they were pulling a fast one on him and how they were trying to intimidate him with all those tales. Alif would smile and laugh along with them. I, however, could sense he was putting a brave front… control macho, as the young ‘uns would say it nowadays.

I had my share of mental anguish as well during my time. I had it done with my brothers, Kamal and Udin, together with a friend when I was almost nine. It was a traditional “potong ko**” ceremony where we had entrusted our “manly future” in the trembling hands of a very old Tok Mudim with failing eyesight, who was holding a very, very sharp cut-throat razor blade!

Of course there was a banana trunk for us to sit on, a bamboo thong to clip the foreskin for that clean cut, a bowl of ashes which the mudim would sprinkle on the wound to stop the bleeding and very thin paper, the kind one uses in kite-making, for bandages. In the olden days, circumcision was a grand celebration. Relatives and friends would gather at your home, and there would certainly be a feast.

The boys would be treated like kings, almost all their wishes fulfilled… Ask for anything to eat , your wishes would be granted. Somehow, I can’t help thinking that we were no different than the maidens of the Aztec civilization, well fed and cared for , bedecked with gold and precious stones, and appeared radiant with the best of fineries, only to be thrown into a pit of melting lava at the end of it all to appease their angry Sun God!

In those days among the Malay community, the boys would be taken for a bath in a nearby river or well. The cold water would soften your muscle, particular that most-important part of the anotomy. After taking a drink of blessed water and munching on the sirih leave and betel nut to summon courage, they would be hoisted up on the shoulders of their elder brothers, uncles or fathers and paraded back to face the Tok Mudim.

As we were living in a government quarters in Jalan Pegawai then and the nearest river, the terribly polluted Sungai Kedah, was some three km away, we had our ritual bath under a shower in the courtyard for all to see. Then, one by one, we were taken to the mudim, who was seated cross-legged in our living room which by then was already filled up with older relatives and neighbours. I was fervently praying that the Tok Mudim could keep his hands steady so that he would remove only what should be removed, nothing more than that!

Except for my father, uncles and elder brothers, I can’t recall who else were there in the living room at that most important, terrifying moment of my childhood life but I could certainly remember a band of cheeky, geeky, pony-tailed young neighbourhood girls peering through the windows, gawking at us naked boys, straddled over the banana trunk. At that moment… control macho, babe….. It was too late to back out of it, to chicken out, so to speak. If I did, they would make sure my future generations would know about it. They would instantly forget about my bravery, but not the grunt or that single drop of tear or that hesitant step I took as I was making my way to the banana trunk. Fearing the embarrassment I would have to go through for the rest of my life, I did what almost-a-man would do at that critical moment of his life….control macho lah!

Oh yes, there was also a pair of lizards, somewhere on the ceiling right above me. I was already comfortably seated on the banana trunk and held down by I-don’t-know-who. I remember looking at the Tok Mudim and trying to locate the razor blade which he had hidden out of my sight. Suddenly, he said, “Eh! Tengok tu, cicak bergaduh atas tu.” I looked up, and swooshhhh… I’d stepped over. I was no longer a child. And, Praise to Allah the Most Merciful, Tok Mudim did not take out more than what was necessary…. By the way, there was never a lizard anywhere on the ceiling that afternoon!

I was then taken to a room to heal under an unsewn piece of “kain cap”, hung up by a piece of string from the ceiling. It looked like the American Red Indian teepee. All four of us were lying on our mattresses, each under our own teepee. Each of us was provided with the most important equipment, a “tempurung”, a half coconut shell. It was so very helpful during the uprising, if you could catch my drift. One would take the “tempurung”, tap on the kneecaps, and ahhhh … you should get things under control!

We would receive visitors, mostly kay-poh-chee aunties and makciks, who would lift our teepees just to look at our “you-know-what”. I did not mind because after the show, they would give us “angpows”! But, I still cannot figure out what was racing through their minds when they took a look under our teepees…hmmm.

But my son Alif, just like his brother Patpat, would not have to go through such a ritual since he would entrust his “manly future” in the hands of a doctor. Nowadays, circumcisions are done in clinics by trained medical practitioners. A jab or two to numb that part of your body, a Tara/Smart Clamp inserted, a snip here and there and… it’s over. In under a week, one could wear a pair of jeans and walk about with ease.

I discussed this circumcision plan with Alif early this year. We talked about it a few times since and last night we talked about it again. I could understand his apprehension and his fear. But, Patpat, what a rascal he was….I had to ask him to go lock himself up in my room and play with the computer while I, all over again, tried to allay Alif’s fear.

Alif had asked me why it is necessary for a Muslim to be circumcised. I explained to him the concept of hygiene and stuff. I promised I would look up in the Internet for him, the reasons and logics per below:

Male circumcision is among the rites of Islam and is part of the (in Arabic): fitrah, or the innate disposition and natural character and instinct of the human
creation.

As-Shawkani said in his book Nayl al-Awtar (1/184):

"What the Prophet (S.A.W.) means by Fitrah is that if these characteristics are followed by a man, he would be described as a man of Fitrah, which Allah (S.W.T.) has gifted his servants with, and encouraged them to follow, so that they attain a high degree of respectability and dignity."

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, "Five are the acts quite akin to fitrah: circumcision, clipping or shaving the pubes, cutting the nails, plucking or shaving the hair under the armpits and clipping (or shaving) the moustache." (Reported in Bukhari & Muslim)

Allah ordered Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) to follow the religion of Ibrahim (peace be upon him). When Allah says:

"Then We inspired you: 'Follow the religion of Ibrahim, the upright in Faith'."
(Qur'an 16:123)

And part of the religion of Ibrahim is circumcision.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: "The Prophet Ibrahim circumcised himself when he was eighty years old and he circumcised himself with an axe."

(Related by Bukhari, Muslim & Ahmad.)

Ibn Abbas (r.a.) was asked "How old were you when the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) died?" He replied, "At that time I had been circumcised. At that time people did not circumcise the boys till they attained the age of puberty (Baligh)."

(Bukhari)

Most Fuqaha' (Islamic Jurists) say that circumcision is obligatory upon the men and this is the opinion of Jumhur (the majority of the scholars). If it were not obligatory, then Prophet Ibrahim (peace be upon him) would not have troubled himself at such a later stage of his life.

The Time for Circumcision:

During the time of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) circumcision was done for boys at the time of their Aqiqah (It's a traditional celebration for the birth of a child which involves the sacrifice of an animal in thanks to Allah. That's the short answer) as reported in al-Bayhaq.

Other Ahadith mention it being done later. The details here are not important but it goes without saying that this minor operation is easier on a baby than it is on an older boy. If it is essential, circumcision can be delayed for practical reasons, but it would be sensible to perform circumcision before the boy starts praying regularly due to practical purposes of simplifying Taharah, or being clean.

Abdullah Ibn Jabir (r.a.) and Aisha (r.a.) said:

"The Prophet (peace be upon him) performed the Aqiqah of al-Hasan and al Hussein (the prophets grandsons) and circumcised them on the 7th. Day." (Related in al-Bayhaq & Tabarani)

Imam Nawawi says:

"Circumcision is recommended to be performed on the seventh day of infancy-the day of Aqiqah (Al-Majmu 1/303)

It is not essential for the child to remain as he is when he comes forth from his mother's womb, if there is something that may be done for him that serves a purpose and is enjoined by the pure religion. Such things include shaving his head after he is born, because that is in his best interests.

The Prophet of Islam (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: "Remove the harm from him."

The same applies to washing the blood from him and cutting the cord by which he was attached to his mother, and other things which are done to benefit him.

2 – The health benefits:

Dr. Muhammad 'Ali al-Baar (a member of the Royal College of Surgeons in the UK and a consultant to the Islamic Medicine department of the King Fahd Centre for Medical Research in the King Abdul Aziz University in Jeddah) says in his book al Khitaan (Circumcision):

"Circumcision of newborn boys (I.e., within the first month of life) brings numerous health benefits, including:

1 – Protection against local infection in the penis, which may result from the presence of the foreskin, causing tightening of the foreskin, which may lead to retention of urine or infections of the glans (tip) of the penis – which require circumcision in order to treat these problems. In chronic cases, the child may be exposed to numerous diseases in the future, the most serious of which is cancer of the penis.

2 – Infections of the urethra. Many studies have proven that uncircumcised boys are more exposed to infection of the urethra. In some studies the rate was 39 times more among uncircumcised boys. In other studies the rate was ten times more.

Other studies showed that 95% of children who suffered from infections of the urethra were uncircumcised, whereas the rate among circumcised children did not exceed 5%.

In children, infection of the urethra is serious in some cases. In the study by Wisewell on 88 children who suffered infections of the urethra, in 36 % of them, the same bacteria was found in the blood also. Three of them contracted meningitis, and two suffered renal failure. Two others died as a result of the spread of the micro-organisms throughout the body.

3 – Protection against cancer of the penis: the studies agree that cancer of the penis is almost non-existent among circumcised men, whereas the rate among uncircumcised men is not insignificant. In the US the rate of penile cancer among circumcised men is zero, whilst among uncircumcised men it is 2.2 in every 100,000 of the uncircumcised population. As most of the inhabitants of the US are circumcised, the cases of this cancer there are between 750 and 1000 per year. If the population were not circumcised, the number of cases would reach 3000. In countries where boys are not circumcised, such as China, Uganda and Puerto Rico, penile cancer represents between 12-22 % of all cancers found in men; this is a very high percentage.

4 – Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Researchers found that the STDs which are transmitted via sexual contact (usually because of fornication/adultery and homosexuality) spread more among those who are not circumcised, especially herpes, soft chancres, syphilis, candida, gonorrhea and genital warts.

There are numerous modern studies which confirm that circumcision reduces the possibility of contracting AIDS when compared to their uncircumcised counterparts. But that does not rule out the possibility of a circumcised man contracting AIDS as the result of sexual contact with a person who has AIDS. Circumcision is not a protection against it, and there is no real way of protecting oneself against the many sexually transmitted diseases apart from avoiding fornication/adultery, promiscuity, homosexuality and other repugnant practices. (From this we can see the wisdom of Islamic sharee'ah in forbidding fornication/adultery and homosexuality).

5 – Protection of wives against cervical cancer. Researchers have noted that the wives of circumcised men have less risk of getting cervical cancer than the wives of uncircumcised men.

Patpat did not stay long in the room. He came to Alif and being a loving and sensitive brother that he is, told Alif not to be scared, and that he would be by his side all the time during the circumcision process. He also motivated his younger brother; the monetary benefit to be derived from going through circumcision, like how much money he collected from his uncles and aunties during his time.

Most heartfelt words of encouragement was when Patpat told Alif that when he is already circumcised, he would move up a “saf” when praying in the mosque. He could pray in the adult rows, unlike now when he is restricted to the back rows with the other uncircumcised boys. Alif always wanted to stand next to his brother in a saf but Patpat has been accepted to join the men in front.

Then, more encouragement words from big brother…Patpat suggested that Alif gets the circumcision done at Tok Wan’s house in Alor Setar; more relatives equals more money! Patpat thought that would also make Tok Wan and Tok Mama very,very happy!

Alif nodded in agreement but he wasn’t sure about being able to keep all the money to himself. Surely, big brother would also want a share in it. Alif has something else in mind, one that would exclusively be his, his moment…Alif said it would be nice if he could be driven to the clinic in that spanking new BMW 120i Convertible, with the top down, of course. Alif reckons if he is to go through the ordeal of circumcision, he should do it in style. To that, Patpat suggested they hang a banner at the back of the car, akin to that “Just Married” banner hung by Western newlyweds. Only this one, said Patpat, would declare “Just Cut Bird".

What say you, Tok Wan?

MAK TURNS 81

2008-10-19T13:04:00.013+08:00

Happy Birthday To You
Happy Birthday To You
Happy Birthday Dearest Mak
Happy Birthday To You……

Mak turned 81 years old yesterday. I had brought her from Alor Setar last weekend to my younger brother’s house in Shah Alam.

Yesterday, my brother had an Eidul Fitr open house. Mak didn’t know that her children , grandchildren and great grandchildren had converged there not just for makan-makan but also to throw her a surprise birthday bash….

Except for my eldest sister in Alor Setar and elder brother who is sailing, all her children were there. Sadly not all her grandchildren were with her last night...some were working, some were attending to more urgent matters and one was busy finding his purpose in life. He has been noticeably absent from a few family events for quite a while now. If only that one grandchild realises he is the apple of his grandma's eyes.....

Mak may be old, her movements are slower and hard on hearing now, but her "leter" masih laser sharp wo! But, that's Mak and we love her so very much.

RETURNING HOME FOR AIDILFITRI

2008-09-26T08:08:00.009+08:00

A friend asked me today whether I would be going home for Aidilfitri. I believe the question should be, when. As far as I’m concerned, not to return home for Aidilfitri is not an option, simply because my Mak is expecting everyone to be home for the festival, no matter how tight our schedules are or how crazy the traffic heading north would be at this time of the year.

Like I said, not to go home is not an option. I missed celebrating Aidilfitri with Mak only twice – once in mid-80s when I was a bachelor in Kuching and wanted to find out how they do it there, and again in late-90s when I was already married and living in KL. You wouldn’t want to know the “lectures” I got from Mak and my siblings, and how guilty I felt after that.

As cliché as it seems, Aidilfitri is the time to seek for forgiveness, share the good food and strengthen family bonds. To me it is also more than just that. It is the time of the year when Mak is in her element playing the role of mother to all her children. I could imagine her already fussing about where which child and his/her family would be sleeping when they come home. She would also be excitedly planning the menu for Hari Raya and the days before and after, making sure to cook each of her children’s favourite dish.

I genuinely believe that comes Aidilfitri, Mak sees us as her little boys and girls again. How we excitedly prepared our home for the festival. How we laughed and joked with each other, and the teasing – about the colour of our brand new baju raya, hair style, shoes etc… The girls would be helping her in the kitchen and the boys, as usual, would either be lounging around or letting off firecrackers somewhere with the other boys, whose sisters also would be busy helping their mothers.

It is true that Mak now spends most of her time at our homes, a week with one daughter, another week with the other, and one more week with a son, and another week or a day or two with the other. After making her rounds, she would return home. Yes, we get to see Mak often but I guess, somehow, those meetings are just not the same as when we gather at our family home with our mother for a single occasion that means a lot to Mak. Only at home, Mak would feel at ease with everything and wouldn’t be feeling awkward.

Years ago as we were growing up, Mak and Pak would be trying their best to make each Hari Raya a joyous one for us by making sure we each get new baju raya and shoes. As children, these seemed to be the most important aspect for celebrating Aidilfitri. It must not have been easy for Pak to provide all those for our big family, but somehow we were never without new clothes for the day. There would always be a wide sumptious spread on the table.

Now that Pak is no longer with us and Mak is alone, I believe it is our duty as children to be there with her during that auspicious day. I guess Mak is not asking for us to come home with goodies and gifts; she just wants us to come home and fill the house as a family again.

Yes, I will go home to be with Mak this Aidilfitri and hope to continue doing so for as along as she is still with us. Mak is 80+ now and realistically speaking, her “light is dimming”. While she is still alive, I, as her son, will make her happy. No doubt, Mak is not sharp any more and very sensitive now. Yes, I do get a good share of her scoldings still but I would rather be scolded than not to have her with us. When she is no longer around, going home will never be same anymore….

Sometimes, we take for granted that our parents would always be there and we don’t think about their presence so much. Suddenly, wham!, they are gone and only then we begin to appreciate their existence. Life is full of mysteries and surprises, my friend. It can take a turn for the best or worst in a fraction of a second.

Take my wife for instance. We had gone home to Alor Setar for Aidilfitri in October 2006. We spent a lot of time with her Mummy. She was healthy and joyful. A couple of weeks after we had returned to KL, Mummy fell sick with lung cancer. Hardly three months later, Mummy passed away. Now, returning home to Alor Setar is never the same for my wife and children anymore. And each time we passed by Mummy's home, which is now rented out, I could see tears welling in my wife's eyes, and also the children's. They would be looking at the house and longing for Mummy. I would too.

You see, I don't like surprises....

This son, as always, will be returning home this Aidifitri. And, as always, he will be the first at Mak’s doorstep.

A YEAR OLDER, A YEAR WISER

2008-09-22T12:22:00.009+08:00

We had gathered for Iftar in Subang Jaya yesterday and also to celebrate a double birthday, that of Mama and my brother-in-law, Zaid.

Happy Birthday!

Mama, groovy... I am visualising you and Daddy zipping through town in the beemer with the top down!

Zaid, take it easy at work, bro.

NUR'AYN AZ-ZAHRAH

2008-09-21T17:00:00.006+08:00

Nur’Ayn Az-Zahrah would have been 5 years old today. She was born at the UKM Hospital in Bandar Tun Razak. I was there all the time my wife was in labour until our little darling was born.

Ayn was immediately wheeled into the neo-natal intensive care unit after birth where she remained until the night she breathed her last three weeks later.

Our poor Ayn was born with multiple complications – defects in the brain, kidneys, intestine, eyes and heart. Since pregnancy, we were told of her condition, which somewhat prepared us for the worst.

During the three weeks she was in the ICU, both my wife and I stayed with her. With wires and tubes on her, we didn’t have the courage to hold her in our arms. My wife and I would spend as much time as we could with Ayn, watching over her as she went through her fits, which we couldn't do anything about. Each time she had her fits, we would hold her tiny arms and I would tenderly stroke her forehead, whispering to my poor Ayn that her Papa and Mama were with her and that everything would be alright.

Since my wife was in confinement, I remained with Ayn, each day and would return home in the wee hours. Oftentimes I would sit alone in the car at the parking lot and cried… Sometimes I didn't want to go home, fearing that my poor child would breathe her last among strangers.

During that three weeks, we had to make decision after decision and the most difficult of all was when the doctor who handled Ayn’s case asked us whether we would want the medical team to resuscitate Ayn when her heart starts to fail. In other words, he was asking us whether we would want to save Ayn or let her go and spare her the miseries…….

Our darling Ayn left us in the night of Oct 13, 2003. Both my wife and I were by her side, arriving at the ICU minutes after being informed that our daughter had just had a massive heart attack. There was no intervention by the medical team. The three of us were left alone. In the stillness of that night, we watched her heartbeat dropped…. As we touched her tiny hands, our poor Ayn took a deep breath and …

It was past midnight when my wife and I walked out of the mortuary. For the first time, I held Ayn in my arms as she was coming home… Silently, I had wished that the journey home would last forever.

It has been five years but I don't think I've ever forgotten Ayn for a single day. Each day, as I pass the Hulu Klang Mosque, behind which is the cemetary where our Ayn was laid to rest, I would glance over the graveyard and the thought of my dearest child would return to my mind.

Someone said Ayn would be waiting for her parents in Jannah..... I hope she would find us there.

BEBEL ORANG NAK PENCEN

2008-09-19T09:54:00.002+08:00

Jika mahu mendapat manfaat yang berlipat ganda daripada prestasi sumber manusia, cara kita menilai mereka mesti berubah. Kita mesti berpegang kepada prinsip teras bahawa pekerja adalah aset pertubuhan yang paling berharga, dan sesungguhnya mereka berupaya mencipta kejayaan luar biasa. Yang penting sekali ialah kita mesti menyakinkan mereka tentang hakikat itu.

Pada saya adalah tidak memadai jika kita sekadar melayan mereka dengan baik dan kemudian mengguna mereka dengan baik. Kita sepatutnya membantu aset kita itu merasakan apa yang dikerjakan itu amat bermakna dan memberikan kepuasan.

Mereka tidak mahu diguna atau dijadikan mangsa atau alat oleh pertubuhan. Mereka mahu merasakan bahawa mereka memainkan peranan yang penting, bernilai dan berhak ke atas sumber-sumber di bawah jagaan mereka.

Mereka mahu merasakan bahawa mereka memberikan sumbangan peribadi kepada sesuatu yang bermakna. Setelah itu kita akan lihat betapa terasang dan puasnya mereka.

Ketika itulah potensi seseorang akan benar-benar terserlah dan semua tenaga dan daya kreativiti yang terpendam, akan membuak-buak dan melimpah. Seorang pemikir, Goethe, berkata: “ Jika kamu melayan seseorang itu seadanya, maka dia akan kekal seadanya tetapi jika kamu melayan seseorang itu dengan keyakinan bahawa dia boleh dan pasti boleh, dia akan boleh dan pasti boleh melakukannya.”

Sesungguhnya kita mesti yakin dengan potensi seseorang itu yang tidak kelihatan. Jika tidak, kita hanya mendapat prestasi “status quo” sahaja – semuanya seperti biasa atau “business as usual”.

Sebenarnya kebanyakan daripada kita dapat melakukan sesuatu jauh lebih baik daripada yang diperlukan atau dibenarkan dalam skop pekerjaan kita. Masalahnya, pengurusan selalunya tidak percaya.

Mendiang Konosuke Matsushita, pengasas dan presiden konglomerat elektronik ternama Jepun, mengatakan begini: “ Kita akan menang dan kuasa-kuasa industri Barat akan kalah; tidak dapat dielakkan kerana kegagalan kamu (industrialis barat) berpunca daripada diri kamu sendiri…Bagi kamu, prinsip pengurusan adalah mendapatkan idea daripada ketua-ketua dan menurunkannya ke tangan para pekerja.”

Dalam erti kata lain, yang perlu ditukar adalah cara pengurusan berfikir iaitu pada mereka, buah fikiran yang bernas hanya datang dari peringkat atasan; paradigma lama yang menjerut banyak organisasi.

Ia hampir sama dengan kepercayaan perubatan cara berbekam. Dahulu orang percaya penyakit disebabkan darah kotor yang mesti dibuang melalui berbekam. Kemudian Semmelweiss, Pasteur dan saintis-saintis ternama lain menemui kuman dan bakteria; sekaligus pandangan tentang penyakit serta nilai-nilai rawatan dan perubatan pun berubah. Evolusi pemikiran, pandangan dan nilai yang sama perlu berlaku dalam pengurusan dan kepimpinan. Paradigma teras perlu ditukar, dan ia mesti berlaku segera jika sesebuah organisasi tidak mahu lewes.

Alkisahnya… begitulah, bak kata orang putih; my two cents.

SELAMAT TINGGAL KAWAN

2008-09-17T21:36:00.010+08:00

Aku sudah hampir melabuh tirai kehidupan di BERNAMA. Hari akhir ku di sana pada 25 September ini. Aku akan bercuti, langsung mengakhiri khidmat selama 28 tahun di pertubuhan yang menjadi kebanggaan ku. Ia bukan sahaja pejabat tetapi bagaikan rumah ku selama 28 tahun. Di situ adanya rakan yang sebenarnya bagaikan saudaraku sendiri...

Selamat tinggal kawan dan detik kita bersama.

Seakan baru kelmarin kita bertemu di dalam mimpi.

Engkau telah mengalunkan lagu merdu ketika aku keseorangan, dan aku, ketika engkau kesepian, membina menara sehingga menerjah langit nan biru.

Namun kita harus bingkas bangun dan tidak boleh lagi diulit mimpi kerana subuh sudahpun berlalu dan mentari sudah setinggi galah.

Air yang pasang dinihari tadi mulai surut dan bahtera yang menantiku sudah mengibarkan layarnya. Maafkan aku kawan kerana masa sudah sampai untuk kita berpisah.

Seandainya engkau dan aku bertemu lagi ketika kenangan mula berbalam di senja nanti, aku akan menyapa mu semula dan engkau akan mengalunkan lagu yang lebih syahdu.

Dan, seandainya tangan kita tersentuh dalam mimpi baru, kita akan bina sebuah lagi menara di langit nan biru…….

Kawan, jangan kita berduka kerana berpisah.

Ketahuilah bahawasanya, kasih kita mungkin lebih nyata dalam perpisahan. Bukankah gunung itu tampak lebih jelas pada pendaki daripada jika direnung dari kakinya?

Terima kasih kawan kerana engkau tidak sahaja merapati aku ketika bala menimpamu, malah juga ketika laba melimpah ruah.

Terima kasih kawan kerana tidak hanya bersama aku ketika engkau bosan di masa luang mu tetapi juga di waktu engkau boleh lokek untuk berkongsi saat bahagia hidup mu.

Percayalah kawan, kemanisan persahabatan kita dipenuhi gelak ketawa dan keikhlasan dalam berkongsi nikmatnya, yang mendinginkan air mata yang mengalir di pipi sehinggakan tidak terasa pedih luka pada hati yang tercalar

BIRTHDAY TO' WAN

2008-08-27T00:37:00.014+08:00

My father-in-law celebrated his 71st birthday over the weekend. The kids decided to spring a surprise on their grandfather by presenting him with an unconventional birthday cake in the form of cute colourful cupcakes, which they baked themselves with Mama in-charge, of course. What made it more special was the fact that this was the first time they had the opportunity to celebrate their grandfather’s birthday with him. He happened to be in town that weekend.

For someone who is almost three-quarters of a century old, my father-in-law is still full of zest and refuses to live the life of a retiree. Come to think of it, he is in fact still actively working, blogging and traveling!

It is my wish that my children could spend more time with him, and unabashedly let their grandfather know that they love him so dearly and how they look up to their to'wan. After all, he is the only grandfather they ever know.

MERDEKA YANG SURAM

2008-08-24T12:16:00.005+08:00

Selalunya ketika ini, Jalur Gemilang sudah lama saya kibarkan di rumah kami.

Anak-anak akan bertanya itu dan ini tentang kemerdekaan dan sejarah tanahair kita. Saya pula tidak berasa jemu menceritakan peristiwa-peristiwa bersejarah kepada mereka.

Saya juga tidak akan lupa menceritakan kisah saya pernah berjumpa dengan Bapa Kemerdekaan kita, Almarhum Tunku Abdul Rahman Putra Alhaj. Betapa dia melayan saya dengan mesra, laksana seorang datuk melayan cucunya ketika saya menemu ramah beliau beberapa kali dahulu.

Saya juga tidak jemu-jemu mencari bahan-bahan bacaan mengenai jejak-jejak kemerdekaan Malaysia supaya anak-anak tidak lupa. Berkongsi pengetahuan dengan mereka tentang sejarah Malaya, penubuhan Malaysia, termasuklah bagaimana Sabah dan Sarawak menyertai Malaysia.

Kalau nenek mereka ada di rumah di bulan kemerdekaan, mereka akan mendengar cerita mengenai era penjajahan Jepun, keganasan komunis dan bagaimana datuk nenek mereka bangkit menuntut kemerdekaan daripada British.

Tetapi entah kenapa semangat kami tahun ini kendur. Suasana menyambut kemerdekaan amat suram. Begitu sedikit bendera negara yang saya lihat berkibaran, baik di rumah, bangunan mahupun kenderaan. Begitu suram kali ini.

Malah, saya belum mengibarkan Jalur Gemilang di rumah kami tahun ini padahal 31 Ogos tinggal 7 hari lagi.

Saya tahu apa puncanya tetapi malas hendak diceritakan. Saya percaya anda juga begitu. Jika tidak, masakan anda pun tidak mengibarkan Jalur Gemilang!

Jangan salah saham, saya amat menyayangi negara saya. Inilah tempat tumpah darah saya. Di sini saya dilahirkan, membesar, berkeluarga dan di sini juga saya ingin disemadikan. Jika perlu, saya pasti di barisan hadapan untuk mempertahankan Ibu Pertiwi ini.

Sudah puluhan kali saya ke luar negara, ke negara miskin dan negara maju. Setelah beberapa hari di sana, saya pasti rindukan negara saya, Malaysia dan sentiasa teruja setiap kali pesawat memasuki ruang udara negara. Kelakar, macam lah saya sudah meninggalkan negara berpuluh tahun tetapi itu hakikatnya. Amat gembira dapat pulang ke negara sendiri.

Tetapi, tahun ini, ada yang tidak kena. Suram dan muram. Sedih pun ada, kecewa terasa juga. Bagaimana dengan anda?

THE MAGNIFICENT ELEVEN

2008-08-17T12:59:00.003+08:00

A rare photograph of the Magnificent Eleven. It was taken by our eldest brother-in-law (he was the only one with a camera then) in front of our house in Lorong Liku, Bakar Bata in Alor Setar.

This picture is ‘rare’ because in those days it was not often that we had a chance to get our photographs taken, and to get one of all eleven of us together was nearly impossible then.

It was taken in December 1970, when I was 9 years old. Back row, standing from left, Sibling Number 2 Halim, Number 5 Johari (deceased), Number 6 Mahadzir, Number 3 Sobrey. Second row, from left, Number 7 Rashida, Number 1 Zakiah, Number 4 Fuziyah, and Number 8 Ahmad Kamal. Front row, from left Chon-on-Blog aka Hardknocks, Number 11 Haslinda and Number 10 Salahuddin.

All grew up to be successful in their own rights. Between all eleven of us, we have 49 children, some of whom are now married and with children of their own. It would be interesting if we can all gather together for a complete family photograph! How I wish all of us could ‘balik kampung’ this Aidilfitri for another rare photo session. We will probably need a superwide angle lense to capture everyone in one picture.

VITILIGO (Pronounced /Vertil~eye~go)

2008-08-10T00:49:00.024+08:00

I know of a school friend suffering from this skin disorder. Oh my, how he suffered… He didn’t have many friends in school then and I’m sure, doesn’t have many, still.

With those white patches on his hands and cheeks, my friend was, how should I say, not normal. Most students shunned him. He was a social outcast, of sort. I cannot recall seeing him at any of our gatherings…you know… parties, campings etc.

He was a bright student but was reclusive because of the condition, sopak as we know it in Malay. He didn't mix around much, avoided crowd. Surely he was ashamed of his condition. Depressed, his results were in the red zone, his studies were effected, future doomed. We were of not much help either. We didn’t know what to do to lift his spirit because we knew next to nothing about the condition. He didn’t do well in school and after Form 5, returned to his kampung in Baling to help his father tap rubber.

We wrote to each other a few years after school. Then his letters stopped coming. I lost touch with him thereafter, until I was posted to Alor Setar. I was on an assignment in Baling Town one day in late 1990s, covering the visit of former prime minister Datuk Seri (now Tun) Dr Mahathir Mohamad to the district, when I noticed a familiar face in the crowd. It was him, my long lost friend, standing a distance away from the rest. I approached him, reminded him of who I was, and saw his face lit up.

After completing my work, we went for a drink and shared our life stories. It saddened me to find out that my friend was still very much a loner. He still had the condition, which by then, had spread to most of his face and body. Poor him.

What is this condition called vitiligo? According to Wikipedia, vitiligo or leukoderma is a chronic skin disease that causes loss of pigment, resulting in irregular pale patches of skin. The precise cause of vitiligo is complex and not fully understood. There is some evidence suggesting it is caused by a combination of auto-immune, genetic, and environmental factors. The population incidence worldwide is considered to be between 1% and 2%.

Half of people with vitiligo develop patches of de-pigmented skin appearing on extremities before their 20s. The patches may grow, shrink, or remain constant in size. Patches often occur symmetrically across both sides on the body. Occasionally small areas may repigment as they are recolonised by melanocytes.

The location of vitiligo affected skin changes over time, with some patches re-pigmenting and others becoming affected.

Vitiligo may also be caused by stress that affects the immune system, leading the body to react and start eliminating skin pigment.

Vitiligo on the scalp may affect the color of the hair (though not always), leaving white patches or streaks. It will similarly affect facial and body hair.

Some symptoms are:

white patches on the skin, including the face, limbs, torso, and groin

purple or golden brown patches on mucous membranes and around the eyes, nostrils, and mouth;

premature graying of hair;

sun sensitivity

Vitiligo is associated with autoimmune and inflammatory diseases, commonly thyroid overexpression and underexpression.

Vitiligo can have a significant effect on the psychological well being of the patient. This is especially true for darker skinned patients as the contrast between pigmented and depigmented skin can be quite drastic.

In some cultures there is a stigma attached to having vitiligo. Those affected with the condition are sometimes thought to be evil or diseased and are sometimes shunned by others in the community. People with vitiligo may feel depressed because of this stigma

There are a few famous people inflicted with this skin disorder, among them:

Amitabh Bachchan, Leading Bollywood Celebrity, diagnosed with the condition in the 1980s. In fact the patches on the hand are quite visible in a number of movies, such as Agneepath.

Michael Jackson, revealed he suffers during an interview on the The Oprah Winfrey Show in 1993, after being diagnosed in the early 1980s.

Why does this concern me? As a matter of fact, it does concern me, my family alot….specifically my son, Adil or Patpat, as we affectionately call him.

My wife and I thought a white spot on his right cheek, under his eye was just a fungus infection...panau, in Malay. Took him to the doctor, who gave creams to apply but the white spot didn’t vanish. Instead, it grew bigger to about the size of a 20 sen coin! Another spot also appeared at the corner of his right eye, at the end of the eyebrow.

A couple of months later, we decided to take him to a dermatologist. It was then we found out that stubborn white spot was actually vitiligo. Instantly, I remembered my friend in Baling and of his “sufferings”. It shudders me to think of the emotional effect this condition would have on my son. Like how it ruined my friend's life!

Patpat is on medication now and the spot, I observed, is fading. It is not as pale as before. We are praying for the best and InsyaAllah, won’t give up finding the cure for him, no matter how much it will cost us as long as we can spare him from the embarrassment.

We earnestly hope Patpat will lead a normal life, grow up happy, smart, well liked by all and achieve his ambition of becoming a neurosurgeon, that is if he fails to become a cardiologist. That was what he told me. ("I want to save lives. Make lots of money and drive a Ferrari. I'll buy you a BMW convertible, Pa," said Patpat of his dream job. Kids nowadays! When I was small, I only wanted to drive a bus...). Neurosurgeon, cardiologist, scientist, pilot, lawyer, teacher, soldier, entrepreneur...whatever, I just want him to be healthy and happy.

That reminds me..I must do something about that Playstation game!!!

ABOUT MOON...

2008-07-17T02:41:00.015+08:00

Three days from today, the world celebrates the 39th anniversary of man’s first landing on the Moon. I was among the millions who were glued to their TV screens, watching history being made. 8 years old, I was awestruck. I heard Neil Armstrong uttering those famous words “One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind”. Of course, at the time, I could only understand the words “man” and “giant”.

I suppose this was also the time the expression “The eagle has landed” was coined. The Eagle was the lunar vehicle that took Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin to the surface of the Moon. It descended in the Sea of Tranquility on the Moon’s surface. That first moon-landing was what eventually inspired mankind to achieve the impossible, to reach for the star, so to speak.

I guess man has since the beginning of time been fascinated by the Moon. How else would you explain the many expressions in the languages that allude to the Moon, like ...

To ask/cry for the moon - to want something that is not possible.
To be over the moon - to be extremely pleased about something
Many moons ago - a long time ago.
To promise (someone) the moon - to promise something impossible
To reach for the moon/stars - to try to achieve something that is very difficult.
To think someone hung the moon - you really look up to or admire someone.
To visit the man in the moon - to do something that is unlikely.
And the familiar Once in a blue moon, which means very rarely.

Once in a Blue Moon
A truly rare occurrence is to witness a full moon twice in one month – however, it does happen. The Farmer’s Almanac dates back as far as 1792. A few years later in 1820, Maine became a state. (Not to say that farmers did not keep almanacs before statehood was recognized). Maine farmers would record the full moon in red print for each month. When a second full moon occurred in the same month, the ink was changed to blue. Blue moons have never occurred in the month of February.

In Malay, we have the following expressions that relates to the moon, or bulan …

Bagai bulan kesiangan

Bulan jatuh ke riba

Bagai bulan dipagar bintang

Bagai pungguk rindukan bulan

Seperti si-cabul hendak mencapai bulan

Or …

Bulan madu

….. even …. Datang bulan

For wage earners like me ...

Awal bulan - a happy moment

Tengah bulan - dry spell

Hujung bulan - happy once more

There are also nursery rhymes about moon. Bet you were taught this in school…

Hey diddle diddle,
the cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon,
The little dog laughed to see such sport,
And the dish ran away with the spoon.

By the way, do you know that there is a town in Perry County, Kentucky of the United States called Bulan? There was also a ruler, King Bulan, the first Jewish king of the Khazar Kingdom. He was converted to Judaism by Rabbi Yitzhak HaSangari during the 9th century. Khazars were a Turkic people of early southern Russia. A portion of the Khazar people was Jewish and intermarried with Jews. The Khazars lost their independent kingdom in 1016.

But, how much do we know about the Moon? I googled the following facts:

The Moon is the only natural satellite of Earth. Its diameter measures 3,476 km and it rotates along an orbit 384,400 km from Earth.

Called Luna by the Romans, Selene and Artemis by the Greeks, and many other names in other mythologies.

The Moon, of course, has been known since prehistoric times. It is the second brightest object in the sky after the Sun. As the Moon orbits around the Earth once per month, the angle between the Earth, the Moon and the Sun changes; we see this as the cycle of the Moon's phases. The time between successive new moons is 29.5 days (709 hours), slightly different from the Moon's orbital period (measured against the stars) since the Earth moves a significant distance in its orbit around the Sun in that time.

The Moon was first visited by the Soviet spacecraft Luna 2 in 1959. It is the only extraterrestrial body to have been visited by humans. The first landing was on July 20, 1969; the last was in December 1972. The Moon is also the only body from which samples have been returned to Earth.

The gravitational forces between the Earth and the Moon cause some interesting effects. The most obvious is the tides. The Moon's gravitational attraction is stronger on the side of the Earth nearest to the Moon and weaker on the opposite side.

Since the Earth, and particularly the oceans, is not perfectly rigid it is stretched out along the line toward the Moon. From our perspective on the Earth's surface we see two small bulges, one in the direction of the Moon and one directly opposite.

The effect is much stronger in the ocean water than in the solid crust so the water bulges are higher. And because the Earth rotates much faster than the Moon moves in its orbit, the bulges move around the Earth about once a day giving two high tides per day.

The Moon isn't just in the sky. It's just about everywhere we look, although we may not realize it. That buttery croissant you might have eaten for breakfast was originally a Gallic communion cake inspired by the crescent Moon; princesses and the girl next door have been named after the goddess identified with a phase of the Moon. We've all heard about how the Moon is made of green cheese, or that strange little men live upon it; but how many of us knew that the maiden name of Buzz Aldrin's maternal grandmother was "Moon," or remembered that men brought back 47.7 pounds of the Moon on that first mission 39 years ago?

HoustonChronicle.com takes a look at some of these fascinating facts, and equally fascinating lunar legends.

Fact: Earth is the planet nearest the Sun to be orbited by a moon.
Legend: Among ancient cultures that worshipped heavenly bodies, the moon was always the most important. Many primitives revered the moon more than the sun, reasoning that the Moon-mother gives her light at night, when it is needed, while the sun shines only by day.

Fact: With a diameter of 2,160 miles, the Earth's moon is one of the largest in our solar system.
Legend: Within the cosmic order, the Moon is regarded as a duplication of the sun but in diminished form because, if the Sun brings life to the entire planetary system, the Moon influences only Earth.

Fact: A woman has never set foot on the Moon.
Legend: The Moon is the Great Eternal Mother. In central Asia, it was said that the Moon is the Goddess' mirror reflecting everything in the world. Sioux Indians called the Moon "The Old Woman Who Never Dies." In many cultures, the Moon-goddess and the Creatress were one and the same. The Moon ruled the sexuality of women and sometimes made them scornful of male-dominated society. St. Augustine berated women for dancing "impudently and filthily all the day long upon the days of the new moon."

Fact: Twelve men have explored the lunar terrain. They are: Neil Armstrong and Edwin "Buzz" Aldrin, Apollo 11; Alan L. Bean and Charles "Pete" Conrad Jr., Apollo 12; Edgar D. Mitchell and Alan B. Shepard, Apollo 14; James B. Irwin and David R. Scott, Apollo 15; Charles M. Duke Jr. and John W. Young, Apollo 16; and Eugene A. Cernan and Dr. Harrison H. Schmitt, Apollo 17.
Legend: Some say the man in the Moon is a man leaning on a fork, on which he is carrying a bundle of sticks picked up on a Sunday. Another tradition says that the man is Cain, with his dog and thorn bush. The thorn bush is said to represent the thorns and briars of the fall, and the dog is the "foul fiend." Some poets claim the man in the moon is Endymion, taken there by Diana.

Fact: At new moon and at full moon, the tides raised by the moon are reinforced by the Sun; these are the "spring tides."
Legend: As the Moon governs the sea's tides, so it governs the tides of life and death. Shore-dwellers believed that a baby can be born only on an incoming tide and a dying person cannot expire until the tide goes out. Birth at a full tide or a full moon means a lucky life. Scottish girls refused to schedule a wedding day for any time other than the full moon, the most fortunate time for women.

Fact: The closest the Moon can come to Earth -- its perigee -- is 221, 463 miles. The farthest it can go away -- its apogee -- is 252,710 miles.
Legend: The progressive change in the shape of the Moon gives birth to a mystic theory of forms that influences the construction of musical instruments and the characters of the Hebrew and Arabic alphabets.

Fact: If the plane of Earth's orbit around the sun and the plane of the Moon's orbit around Earth were the same, the Moon would be eclipsed by Earth every time it is full, and the Sun would be eclipsed by the Moon every time the moon is "new." But because the two orbits do not coincide, the Moon's shadow normally misses Earth, and Earth's shadow misses the moon.
Legend: Animals regarded as lunar are those which alternate between appearance and disappearance, like the amphibians. Examples are the snail, which leaves its shell and returns to it, or the bear, which vanishes in winter and reappears in spring.

Fact: It takes 27.3 days for the Moon to make its circuit around Earth.
Legend: Ancients based their calendars on the phases of the moon and menstrual cycles because they believed the Moon-goddess created time, with all its cycles of creation, decline, and destruction. The moon still determines agricultural work in parts of India.

Fact: During the first lunar landing, man spent 21 hours and 36 minutes on the Moon's surface.
Legend: Kastor of Rhodes said that the shoes of Roman senators were decorated with ivory crescents to show that after death they would inhabit the Moon.

Fact: Approximately once every 19 years, one year will have two months with two full moons because February will have no full moon at all.
Legend: The Moon was known as Hecate before it had risen and after it had set; as Astarte when crescent; as Diana or Cynthia (she who "hunts the clouds") when in the open vault of heaven; and as Phoebe when looked upon as the sister of the sun.

Fact: The Moon's mass is approximately 1/80 that of the Earth.
Legend: Semites feared the devouring Old Moon. The moon's legendary dual nature -- life-giver and life-taker -- may account for the correlation between the Semitic ima, "mother," and e-mah, "terror." Superstitious Christians sometimes refused to sleep where moonlight might touch them. They feared the rays of the moon would kill them.

Fact: February can never have two new or full moons because the shortest time between them is 29.27 days.
Legend: Among the Romans, February was known as the month of purification. Roman religion taught that the "the souls of the just are purified in the moon."

Fact: One U.S. mission to the Moon was aborted. Because the service module oxygen tank ruptured, Apollo 13 was forced to return to Earth after only 5 days and 22.9 hours. The crew was rescued.
Legend: The Moon treasures everything wasted on Earth, such as misspent time and wealth, broken vows, unanswered prayers, fruitless tears, unfulfilled desires and intentions, and wasted talent.

Fact: Three men who have walked on the Moon are now dead. They are Pete Conrad, Apollo 12 (1930-1999); Alan B. Shepard, Apollo 14, (1923-1998); and James B. Irwin, Apollo 15, (1930-1991).
Legend: The Moon is the receptable of souls between reincarnations and shelters both the dead and the unborn, who are one and the same. The Vedas say all souls return to the Moon after death, to be devoured by maternal spirits. Maoris called the Moon Mother "man-eater." Tartars of central Asia worshipped the moon as the Queen of Life and Death. Africans said the moon searched for men to devour. Greeks often located the Elysian Fields, home of the blessed dead, in the Moon.

To celebrate the 39th anniversary of the historic landing, my son Adil and I set up our telescope and gazed at the full Moon last night. Adil wanted to see Amstrong’s and Aldrin’s footprints on the Moon. Of course, that was not possible but he had a grand view of the craters. I recorded a couple of shots of the craters, below:

WISHING...

2008-07-06T14:07:00.011+08:00

I have a wish.

If I could, I would…

Change the view from my bedroom window

From this

To these

If I could, I would inspire my kids

To leave their indoor playground

And explore the outdoor wonderland…

But now I need my rest….

For day-dreaming is hard work.

SHE CALLS ME...

2008-06-21T16:50:00.012+08:00

“THE SEA that calls all things unto her calls me, and I must embark.

For to stay, though the hours burn in the night, is to freeze and crystallize and be bound in a mould.

Fain would I take with me that is here. But how shall I?

A voice cannot carry the tongue and the lips that gave it wings. Alone it must seek the ether.

And alone and without his nest shall the eagle fly across the sun…”

That is what I have to do now. A tough decision indeed but it is something I must come to myself. Alone, I shall have to choose the path through which I shall take my dependents to a new beginning in an unknown world.

QOTH (my better half) and I have thought about it, visualized it in our minds, dreamed of it and talked about it ever so often. Perhaps, the time has come for us to put our plan into action..to walk the talk, if you will.

That long walk will have to begin with this first step. I alone must put my best foot forward and clear the trail leading to the new world. The first step is to quit my job of 27 years, during which I climbed the ladder of success and reached a position thought unattainable, considering my academic background.

And, considering that I’m not getting any younger – knocking on 48, if you must know - and while the strength is still willing, I must execute our plan, and not to idle even for just a wink for I believe that it’ll remain just that, a plan, when I cross the big 50.

Now that the sea is calling, I must embark. I must take the first step, to leave this comfort zone and explore the unknown, which I earnestly pray promises a better life for us…where the grass is greener, the sun is brighter and the night sky sprinkled with stars.

I guess once the first step is taken, I would leave the secured fortress I am in now and upon reaching the foot of the hill, I should find my ship already in the harbour.

“How often have you sailed in my dreams. And now you come in my awakening, which is my deeper dream.

Ready am I to go, and my eagerness with sails full set awaits the wind.

Only another breath will I breathe in this still air, only another loving look cast backward, and then I shall stand among them, a seafarer among seafarers.

And you, vast sea, who alone are peace and freedom to the river and the stream,
Only another winding will this stream make, only another murmur in this glade,
And then I shall come to you, a boundless drop to a boundless ocean…"

OUR CHILDREN ARE NOT OUR CHILDREN

2008-06-21T11:56:00.002+08:00

I'm in the mood to share this morning....

“ OUR CHILDREN are not our children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself…
They come through us but not from us.
And though they are with us yet they belong not to us.

We may give them our love but not our thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.

We may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which we cannot visit, not even in our dreams.

We may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like us.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

We are the bows from which our children as living arrows are sent forth.
The Archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends us with His might that the arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the Archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrows that fly, so He loves also the bows that are stable…..”

…The Poet

BRAIN DRAIN = BRAIN DEAD

2008-06-18T00:11:00.010+08:00

Please help me understand…

Why is it that when GLCs' top officials get hefty pay raise - one today received a huge sum - they deserved it? Their salaries must be adjusted upwards or else…brain drain, or something, so said a wise man. Those foreign companies would gleefully employ them and offer fatter salaries. These bigshots would take up the offers, wouldn’t they?

Okay… but I still don’t get it. Am I right to say that these “terrer merrer” bigwigs at GLCs, which in turn are owned by Khazanah, which in turn is owned by the government, whose members are put there by the rakyat, whom the government is asking to be thrifty in their spendings because of soaring costs in everything, which would soon include higher energy tariff imposed by one GLC which is headed by the CEO who had gotten the handsome raise, are to be spared the hardship which we, the 98 percent other Malaysians, are suffering from?

Didn't we put them there to solve our problems, to look after our wellbeing and not the other way round? Isn't that how it is supposed to work or is it me not comprehending the concept of the government by the people, for the people?

Why is that when the lowly paid employees ask for an upward revision of their salaries or some forms of allowances to tide them over this difficult period, they are instead told to adjust to the situation, change their lifestyles …. save, save, save, cut, cut,cut, save, save, save somemore ….. ?

What to save, what else to cut? With the salary I’m earning now, and the kind of lifestyle this family is leading, to change means to move out from this house to squat somewhere, one meal a day, six of us riding a motorcycle all at once to school and work … like that one ah!!? Our belts are already tightened to the maximum. Another notch, we would be no better than those displaced souls in Dafur.

Hey..on the bright side, I can now take my kids somewhere expensive. The petrol station. Yeah!!

Seriously, know of a shop still selling sundries at pre-fuel-hike prices, anyone? Let me know quickly before my brain goes dead…

MISSING PAK ON FATHER'S DAY

2008-06-15T15:27:00.012+08:00

I woke up this morning to hugs and kisses from my youngest son, Alif, wishing me a “Happy Father’s Day”. He snuggled up to me for a while longer and upon realizing that the girls were already up and about, left me to remind them of this special day.

One by one, my two daughters came to the bedroom door with their greetings. Patpat was under the weather... hasn’t been for the past couple of days, down with cold and mild asthma attack.

I was already wide awake long before Alif threw his arms around me in bed. I was lying on my side, gazing out the bedroom window. I was reflecting upon myself as a father, dad, ayah, papa………to my four lovely children. Wondering what kind of father I have been to my children, and whether I am living up to their expectations, my own expectations, and everyone else’s expectations of a father.

I was also thinking about my father and how much I miss him since he passed away 34 years ago. I remember him as a firm but fair person. A strict disciplinarian yet a kind father. Accommodating yet a no-nonsense kind of father. Most of all, I remember him as a man who put his family first before anything else.

I remember how difficult it was growing up in a family of eleven siblings, 4 girls, 7 boys, each one two years different in age. Different in character and personality. It must have been hard for Pak to raise us on his meager income as a meter reader at the Waterworks Department in Alor Setar.

There are so many things to remember about Pak but I choose to keep with me many lessons of life that I have learnt from him. About being humble, taking pride in oneself, the importance of education and the bond of kinship. I remember his love showered in his silent way, unheard but felt. Like when I was sick while on holiday at my grandfather’s home in Sungai Tiang. I had gone there with my younger brother to help grandfather tend to his vegetable plot. We toiled the soil and picked ripe watermelons under the blazing sun.

At dawn I would follow my uncle, a rubber tapper, to his plantation. That was my routine over a few days until one morning I woke up with a high fever… my body burning, head throbbing. It was terrible for an eight year old.

Someone must have informed my father for in the afternoon he came in an office Land Rover. I was lying near the door of grandfather’s house… just a hut with wooden planks for floor, bamboo for walls and palm leaves for roof… when I saw the vehicle pulled up across the stream at the fringe of the vegetable plot. Pak had come to take me home. After he and the driver had had coffee with my grandfather and grandmother, Pak bundled me in a blanket, carried me in his arms and took me to the Land Rover. The driver carried our bags, walking behind my father with my younger brother in tow.

I sat in front with Pak all the way home and throughout that journey, he didn’t talk much. He just wrapped his right arm around me to keep me warm and occasionally, wiped the sweat on my face. How I wish that moment could last forever….

Then there was this time when I didn’t want to go to school one day. I was in Standard Two and in the afternoon session. For some reasons I did not feel like going to school that Thursday but got ready and wore my school uniform all the same. After lunch, I waited for Pak to come pick me up.

I had schemed a plan. I knew it would work. I was wearing the last pair of school uniform. The other set was already dirty and now soaked for washing. Then he came, riding his Vespa, at the junction near “Rumah Cina Taugeh”. Time to act… I jumped into a puddle, rolled over and over, and over again. I was a sight to behold. Mud all over me, dirty as a buffalo in a mudhole.

Pak reached home, shocked to see me in that condition, I guess. He asked what had happened. “I slipped,” I replied. “Are you hurt?” Pak asked. “No but I don’ t think I can go to school today,” I answered. “Why not?, he asked. “No clean uniform,” I said, thinking that should satisfy him and I could change into my “play clothes” and roam the kampung, barefooted and a catapult slung on my neck, to my heart’s content for the rest of the afternoon.

But, Pak was not letting me go easily. “Go wash up and change your clothes. I’ll explain to your teacher why you are not in uniform,” he said. That was it, my plan was not working as planned. “Pak, I don’t want to go school. Please, let me stay home,” I begged but to no avail. I must have overstretched his patience when I heard him roared his disapproval. I saw him reaching for his belt and whoosh…. I was gone. I ran as fast as I could into a thick undergrowth adjacent to the house and took refuge on a tree on the riverbank, keeping still on a branch that extended over the water.

Pak came after me, found me on the tree. He ordered me to get down but I refused. He disappeared only to return with an axe. He chopped off the branch and yours truly took a plunge into the river below. I caught hold of a nipah stem that happened to be floating by and paddled across the river. So afraid to go home, I stayed across river, playing on my own in the paddy field there. Just before dusk, I retrieved the nipah stem and paddled back to my house across the river, hoping that Pak had cooled down and was not angry with me anymore.

Quiet as a mouse I tiptoed into the bathroom. As I was stepping out of the bathroom, I felt a sharp pain across my back. Pak was waiting for me to come out and he struck me with a belt. I was beaten many times that night, I bled but I didn’t cry. He ordered me up and told me to go to bed without dinner.

I went to bed feeling so angry at my father that night. My back hurt so bad. Lying face down on the mattress, I sobbed quietly… It was past midnight when I felt someone came to me. It was Pak. I felt him touched my back and applied ointment on the wound. I guess he knew I was awake because I arched my back when he touched the cut.

I could hear him speaking softly, choking with emotion, saying he regretted whacking me but he was angry and disappointed with me. In a whisper, he told me the importance of education and that he did not want his children to miss out the opportunities to better our lives through education. Pak simply did not want us to grow up being like him, barely educated and not financially endowed to provide us with everything we needed. In the stillness of that night, I understood why Pak was very angry with me for skipping school that day.

I was fishing by the river behind the house the next morning…Pak came to sit next to me. We didn’t talk. I just sat there holding the fishing pole. Pak sat on the ground, on my right. He didn’t say a word. He was just there… I knew he wanted to make amends with me, in his own way. Pak placed his left arm on my shoulder and left it there for a long, long while…..

There are many memories about Pak… Some are beautiful, some are painful but all are lovely as one son would want to remember his father by.

Pak breathed his last in the wee hours of August 28, 1974, succumbing to a heart attack at the young age of 53. I didn’t shed a tear when Pak died… not even when the doctor at the hospital told us they were not able to revive him. Maybe, I was angry that he left us so soon. But I was missing him a lot. Unknowingly to my family, I would cycle to Yan, some 30 miles away from Alor Setar, to visit his grave on weekends. I think about two months after his death, on one of my visits to the grave, I eventually cried…

And, this morning… I miss Pak again, and silently, I shed tears for him ….. Happy Father’s Day, Pak.

GOD TOOK NOTICE OF ME.....

2008-06-11T13:50:00.021+08:00

The time… 4pm. The day…Tuesday, June 1oth. The place …the mezzanine floor of my office building.

Some 50 of us, men and women, abandoned our workstations to huddle in a corner of the mezzanine floor, looking down on the lobby area where colleagues, twice our number, stood facing our bosses seated in a row next to a “koi” fish pond.

No speeches, no motivational talks…nothing. All of us waited restlessly, some paced the floor, some stood almost statue-like. We waited for a good 15 minutes before one by one the bosses moved to the centre of the lobby floor and picked 10 names each, making a total of 120.

A gentleman in a dark suit called out the names and one by one, those called marched to the centre of the floor, each picked a piece of folded paper with a set of numbers printed on it before bolting to the 12th floor of the office tower.

There I was, flanked by two women on a sofa at the mezzanine floor, while others stood, cramped like sardines in a can. It was getting noisy… someone booed when a name was called, another jeered, a few clapped their hands.

Sweats were beading on my forehead. Nervous, excited, worried … I can’t really say how I was feeling at that moment.

Then it happened. I heard my name being called loud and clear, resonating in the confined area. The gentleman called out my name like one would when announcing names of boxers in a ring….in the red corner, weighing 160lbs, from …..like so.

I jumped to my feet, not knowing exactly what to do. Should I run, should I stay, or should I just go down to the centre of the lobby like those who had been called up earlier. I felt like crying…

In that fleeting moment, I could hear my colleagues prodding me to go down, to obey, to face the bosses! One even told the others to make way for me, opened the door and warned the gentleman in the dark suit that I was on my way down.

It was just a blur, noises muffled. Guess it was already too late to hide. I let out a yell. It sounded more like a shriek….I spiked a clenched fist in the air , hurried down the staircase and before I knew it, there I was already standing in the centre of the lobby floor. I could feel hundreds pairs of eyes on me, stabbing me with their stares, I swear.

I could hear jeers, hoots and laughs, claps and all…. Frightening!? No-lah, I was on the top of the world!!!!

BECAUSE…….I had just won a lucky draw! I won a lucky dip! I won!…..A first in my entire life, a first since I joined this organization almost three decades ago. Never once I won anything from a lucky dip. Never once, I swear. Many times at dinners, all those seated at the same table with me won something but not yours truly. I either missed a prize by a digit or by a mile……….

But yesterday God took notice of me and rewarded me handsomely. Thank you, God Almigthy! At that moment, I just didn’t care what I would be taking home. It didn’t matter even if it was only a pair of disposable underwear. Even that would be like winning a million dollar! My name was picked in a lucky dip and that was all that matters to me. At last, the jinx has been broken!

Like the others whose names were called, I took the lift to the 12th floor and collected my prize in the draw organised by the corporate communication department in conjunction with my organisation’s 40th anniversary. Hurray!! It was my turn to be taking something home.

By the way, it was a vase…crystal one some more.

CUTI YANG PALING "BEST"

2008-06-09T16:22:00.016+08:00

"Pa, terima kasih. You are the greatest," kata anak bongsu ku yang berusia lapan tahun dalam perjalanan ke sekolah pagi tadi.

"Cuti sekolah kali ini yang paling best," tambah si kecil itu, sambil tangan kanannya memaut bahu kiri ku ketika aku memberhentikan kereta di belakang sebuah bas, berhampiran pintu sisi sekolah rendah di Taman Setiawangsa.

Seperti biasa, Alif akan menunggu giliran selepas abangnya yang berusia 11 tahun untuk mengucup tangan ku dan mengucapkan salam sebelum melangkah turun dari kereta dan memasuki perkarangan sekolah.

Namun tidak seperti kebiasaannya, pagi tadi aku tidak terus berlalu pergi. Pagi tadi, aku memerhatikan kedua-dua anak lelaki ku itu berjalan menuju ke pintu pagar, menyaksikan kemesraan dua beradik ... si abang, PatPat, menggenggam erat tangan kiri si adik yang terhuyung hayang menggalas beg yang sarat dengan buku.

Sampai di anak tangga pertama menuju ke pintu sisi itu, mereka serentak menoleh ke belakang, bibir menguntum senyum, lantas melambai tangan kepada ku sebelum berkejaran memanjat tangga dan hilang dari pandangan ku.

Aku masih tidak bergerak dari tepi jalan itu, fikiran ligat mencari maksud si kecil tadi .... "Cuti sekolah kali ini yang paling best." ? Mungkinkah dia hendak kenakan aku dengan cakap-cakap loyar buruknya, yang memang kelebihannya.

Apa yang "best" sangat cuti sekolah kali ini? Aku masih tertanya-tanya ketika memandu pulang. Pada ku biasa sahaja. Apa sangat yang kami sekeluarga laku, teroka, cari dan jumpa dalam tempoh dua minggu itu? Aku tidak nampak pun istimewanya.

Kami hanya ke Kota Baharu, itu pun untuk memenuhi jemputan kenduri kahwin adik sepupu. Kalau bukan kerana itu, aku malas memandu ke Kota Baharu, jauhnya seperti tak akan sampai! Apatah lagi isteri dan anak-anak sudah sepakat untuk mengikut jalan pantai ke sana. Aku menuruti kehendak mereka walaupun aku sedar tempoh perjalanan begitu lama, lebih sekali ganda jika aku ikut laluan Merapoh-Gua Musang.

Setelah merentasi Lebuhraya Pantai Timur, kami melalui Kemaman, singgah sebentar di Kerteh, menyeberangi jambatan yang baru siap di Kuala Dungun, berhenti lagi di Pantai Teluk Bidara di Kampung Pintasan, membuat lencongan entah ke mana kerana kerja-kerja pembinaan jalan di Marang, menyaksikan satu kemalangan jalan raya sebelum tiba di Kuala Terengganu untuk bermalam di rumah ayah saudara di Losong.

Esoknya kami menyambung perjalanan ke Kota Baharu, sesat dua kali di Seberang Takir kerana tersalah belok. Singgah di Penarik, Kuala Besut, Tok Bali yang pantainya begitu kotor dengan sampah sarap dan terus ke Kota Baharu. Menarikkah percutian itu jika kami tersesat lagi di Kota Baharu semasa mencari hotel penginapan di Jalan Pengkalan Chepa. Akhirnya jumpa juga hotel itu yang terletak tidak jauh dari KB Mall setelah kami tersasar sampai ke MRSM Pengkalan Chepa.

Apa “best”nya percutian itu jika semasa mencari rumah ayah saudara di Bunut Payung, kami terlepas simpang sehingga terpaksa mengharungi kesesakan lalulintas di jalan-jalan Kota Baharu. Hendak elak "traffic jam" KL, tersangkut pula di KB.

"Best"kah percutian itu jika kami terpaksa berpindah hotel esoknya kerana hotel semalam sudah penuh ditempah orang lebih awal. Cuaca yang panas terik dan perut berkeroncong kerana tekak tidak dapat terima makanan yang serba serbi manis pun tidak melegakan tekanan.

Kalau ada pun peristiwa yang menarik mungkin semasa majlis kenduri di rumah ayah saudara di Bunut Payung di mana aku merapatkan hubungan dengan saudara yang lama tidak bertemu. Mungkin juga persinggahan aku sekeluarga untuk bermalam -- rancangan secara spontan -- di chalet murah di Pantai Melawi, Bachok.

Daripada banyak-banyak pantai di sebelah sana semenanjung, Pantai Melawi menambat hati ku. Pantainya agak bersih, pasir putih halus, laut yang tenang dan pantai mendatar, selamat untuk anak-anak bermain air. Ayah dan ibu tidak terkecuali.

Kami bermain layang-layang di Pantai Melawi, berenang di lautnya, mengutip kulit cengkerang dan apa-apa sahaja yang keluarga lakukan di tepi pantai.

Tidak dapat aku teka apa menarik tentang percutian kali ini sehingga anak bongsu ku itu begitu berterima kasih kepada aku. Mungkinkah kerana dia dan abangnya berkesempatan menerbangkan layang-layang mereka di sejalur pantai di Penarik sebelum layang-layang si abang tersangkut di pucuk pokok rhu dan yang seekor lagi milik adik putus talinya dan melayang dibawa angin. Dua orang kakak mereka, YahYah dan Kak Cik, lebih selesa berteduh di dalam kereta dengan "aircon" dipasang kuat. Ibu pula berlindung di bawah bayang pokok, mata sepet menahan silau cahaya matahari.

Mungkin si kecil gembira dengan percutian kali ini kerana dalam perjalanan pulang ke KL, kami singgah di Kerteh untuk melahap burger, apple pies dan french fries di McD******. Adakah semuanya rasa lebih lazat di sana berbanding dengan yang selalu mereka makan di KL?

Aku tidak dapat meneka maksud si bongsu Alif itu sehinggalah ketika dalam perjalanan menghantar isteri ke pejabatnya tadi, dia menyatakan: "Cuba you fikir apa yang you tidak lakukan langsung cuti kali ini."

Sepantas kilat aku faham maksud si manja Alif tadi. Sesungguhnya kali ini, aku benar-benar bercuti.... bersama keluarga selama 14 hari genap, menghabiskan sepenuh masa bersama mereka. Kami mengembara, menerokai tempat baru, memahat kenangan bersama-sama.

Kali ini aku bercuti bersama mereka. Melakukan apa-apa sahaja dan di mana-mana sahaja tanpa membabitkan kerja dan pejabat. Baru aku sedar betapa sudah lama sekali aku tidak bercuti begini tanpa dipanggil ke pejabat, memikirkan urusan kerja, melakukan kerja pejabat di waktu aku bercuti. Malahan aku tidak kisah langsung perkembangan di pejabat dan tentang kerjaya yang ku ceburi lebih 27 tahun lalu. Tidak peduli sama ada aku masih punya meja dan kerusi apabila aku kembali bertugas esok!

Sebelum ini aku jarang bercuti serentak dengan tempoh cuti sekolah. Makanya, perjalanan kami tidak jauh dan tempoh bersama tidak lama kerana selalunya dirancangkan untuk hujung minggu. Kerapkali juga aku berurusan dengan pejabat ketika itu dan kadangkala terpaksa memendekkan cuti kerana rasa terpanggil untuk "berkhidmat".

Nah, kali ini aku benar-benar bercuti. Memang benar kata si kecil aku, "Ini cuti yang paling best". Seorang abang aku pernah berkata, "Pada anak-anak kita, bukannya tempat, pemandangan atau barang yang dibeli yang bermakna tetapi adanya ibu dan ayah di sini mereka ketika sampai di tempat itu, menikmati pemandangan itu dan membeli barangan itu menjadikan semuanya lebih bermakna."

Nampaknya, si kecil yang loyar buruk itu dapat kenakan juga ayahnya, membuat si tua ini belajar dan sedar bahawa ada kehidupan yang lebih penting di luar pejabat ……..”Terima kasih Alif. Papa setuju, cuti kali ini memang yang paling best.”

IS BLOGGING FUN?

2008-06-06T17:19:00.005+08:00

I had to do it. Not wanting to be left behind in the blogging tidal wave, I had to jump on the bandwagon.

God knows what I will be talking about .... I will just blast off whenever with whatever to wherever. I'll let you in on something ..... don't expect book reviews, political analysis, economic assessments or any of those heavy stuff.

Maybe something about life experiences, memories and dreams. Mostly in pictures. Like the saying goes, a picture paints a thousand words.

As for now, gotta go.

There's always a first.