Nur’Ayn Az-Zahrah would have been 5 years old today. She was born at the UKM Hospital in Bandar Tun Razak. I was there all the time my wife was in labour until our little darling was born.
Ayn was immediately wheeled into the neo-natal intensive care unit after birth where she remained until the night she breathed her last three weeks later.
Our poor Ayn was born with multiple complications – defects in the brain, kidneys, intestine, eyes and heart. Since pregnancy, we were told of her condition, which somewhat prepared us for the worst.
During the three weeks she was in the ICU, both my wife and I stayed with her. With wires and tubes on her, we didn’t have the courage to hold her in our arms. My wife and I would spend as much time as we could with Ayn, watching over her as she went through her fits, which we couldn't do anything about. Each time she had her fits, we would hold her tiny arms and I would tenderly stroke her forehead, whispering to my poor Ayn that her Papa and Mama were with her and that everything would be alright.
Since my wife was in confinement, I remained with Ayn, each day and would return home in the wee hours. Oftentimes I would sit alone in the car at the parking lot and cried… Sometimes I didn't want to go home, fearing that my poor child would breathe her last among strangers.
During that three weeks, we had to make decision after decision and the most difficult of all was when the doctor who handled Ayn’s case asked us whether we would want the medical team to resuscitate Ayn when her heart starts to fail. In other words, he was asking us whether we would want to save Ayn or let her go and spare her the miseries…….
Our darling Ayn left us in the night of Oct 13, 2003. Both my wife and I were by her side, arriving at the ICU minutes after being informed that our daughter had just had a massive heart attack. There was no intervention by the medical team. The three of us were left alone. In the stillness of that night, we watched her heartbeat dropped…. As we touched her tiny hands, our poor Ayn took a deep breath and …
It was past midnight when my wife and I walked out of the mortuary. For the first time, I held Ayn in my arms as she was coming home… Silently, I had wished that the journey home would last forever.
It has been five years but I don't think I've ever forgotten Ayn for a single day. Each day, as I pass the Hulu Klang Mosque, behind which is the cemetary where our Ayn was laid to rest, I would glance over the graveyard and the thought of my dearest child would return to my mind.
Someone said Ayn would be waiting for her parents in Jannah..... I hope she would find us there.
Ayn was immediately wheeled into the neo-natal intensive care unit after birth where she remained until the night she breathed her last three weeks later.
Our poor Ayn was born with multiple complications – defects in the brain, kidneys, intestine, eyes and heart. Since pregnancy, we were told of her condition, which somewhat prepared us for the worst.
During the three weeks she was in the ICU, both my wife and I stayed with her. With wires and tubes on her, we didn’t have the courage to hold her in our arms. My wife and I would spend as much time as we could with Ayn, watching over her as she went through her fits, which we couldn't do anything about. Each time she had her fits, we would hold her tiny arms and I would tenderly stroke her forehead, whispering to my poor Ayn that her Papa and Mama were with her and that everything would be alright.
Since my wife was in confinement, I remained with Ayn, each day and would return home in the wee hours. Oftentimes I would sit alone in the car at the parking lot and cried… Sometimes I didn't want to go home, fearing that my poor child would breathe her last among strangers.
During that three weeks, we had to make decision after decision and the most difficult of all was when the doctor who handled Ayn’s case asked us whether we would want the medical team to resuscitate Ayn when her heart starts to fail. In other words, he was asking us whether we would want to save Ayn or let her go and spare her the miseries…….
Our darling Ayn left us in the night of Oct 13, 2003. Both my wife and I were by her side, arriving at the ICU minutes after being informed that our daughter had just had a massive heart attack. There was no intervention by the medical team. The three of us were left alone. In the stillness of that night, we watched her heartbeat dropped…. As we touched her tiny hands, our poor Ayn took a deep breath and …
It was past midnight when my wife and I walked out of the mortuary. For the first time, I held Ayn in my arms as she was coming home… Silently, I had wished that the journey home would last forever.
It has been five years but I don't think I've ever forgotten Ayn for a single day. Each day, as I pass the Hulu Klang Mosque, behind which is the cemetary where our Ayn was laid to rest, I would glance over the graveyard and the thought of my dearest child would return to my mind.
Someone said Ayn would be waiting for her parents in Jannah..... I hope she would find us there.
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